Maybe I Deserve

I did you wrong. I severed whatever ties attracted me to you in the first place. You don't even look at me or talk to me the same. I can't even put my hand on your shoulder without you brushing it away on a sly. My apologies are as worthless as a penny with a hole in it. What can I say? I deserve it. Love is stronger than pride, but men forgive but never forget. But I thought if one forgives, then one must forget to let the healing begin.
  Maybe I deserve to come home to an empty dinner place, an empty hello, no kiss or a hug. Maybe I deserve to lay beside you at night drape my arms around you, for you to gently place it back. Maybe I deserve to try to make love to you, give you hints of seduction, by rubbing my soft feet against your legs, for you to move all the way to the edge of the bed.
Maybe I deserve, to show you just how much I love you, by kneeling down in front of you with eyes saying "Baby, let me give you some head." For you to shake your head, push me away, and say "I don't even want that".  So now I'm angry. I'm hurt. You won't touch me, or talk to me, or yell at me. At this point, I feel so bad, ashamed, and guilty. I love him so much, I don't want to lose him, so I won't even care if he hit me.
   As I sit here and cry, scream, plead, I forget I'm a queen, get down on my knees, and beg him not to leave. I grab his luggage, stand in front of the door professing my want and need for him. Deep down I deserve it, there is no maybe, its time to woman up and face the consequences. But he'll be back, if he really belongs to me.