Letter to My Future Husband

God told me that there is somebody for everybody, and that every person on earth has a person especially made for them. So I know that when you were born, and you were growing from newborn to adolescence, from adolescent to a grown man that He was grooming, prepping you just for me. Now what I just said sounds so cliche, because every Christian I talked to or read about always say that about someone they just marry or they say this because they are single and they don't mind waiting. Is something wrong with this statement? No. But I have always stood out, so therefore I want to say something different. So I will break it down this way. You were grown just for me. A plant that was fertilized with just the right ingredients, seedling, and plant food to make sure that you are strong, and healthy and if you do have weeds, that's fine...Who doesn't? God will get rid of the weeds that are trying to choke you to death that prevents the anointing on your life from transpiring. But I need to apologize, because I have let men try to take your place. I have asked men to take your place, I have prayed for men to take your place. I have even searched for men to take your place, and let men put the idea in my mind that God told them to take your place. But each and every time those men tried to take your place, stood in your place, it backfired because....Hey! That was not their place. See I had to learn to be careful what I pray for....Because, of course you know, the devil is always watching, trying to listen....He also likes to see God's children hurt, and stressed  and depressed and on the brink of insanity. I'm going to be perfectly honest...I resented men of God who were deep in the ministry, because I thought that they were on their high horse, and wanted a perfect woman, with a perfect past, and a perfect mind, and a perfect personality, and a perfect upbringing. Because in my eyes that's what I saw. Needless to say, yeah, I was blind. So I wanted a rebellious man, who didn't care about religion, perfection, rejection...I wanted something different, spontaneous, and adventurous..Well that backfired because I got just what I secretly asked for. A man of another religion, which was to defy God, deny Christ, constantly lie, and I found myself on my back and my legs wide.  Love was just lust intertwined in my heart that caused confusion in my mind because I thought that I finally met my match, a man that truly loved me, wanted to marry me, who consoled me physically.....Long story short it blew up in my face, and I found myself hurt all over again, disappointed, and paranoid due to a pregnancy scare. So I will apologize again. Because to you, again I was being unfair. Patience is a virtue.....I remind myself all the time. I am not going to write an endless letter about my flaws, and how much I love you even though I never even met you...I am not going to write a long letter about how you fixed my broken heart and taught me to love again....Blah blah blah blah blah....Why should I give you credit for what God did for me....To prepare me for you? Because God gave you.....Me..I know as a gift...And He loves you so much, he will not give you something that is broken.... I'm not going to ask you to please understand me, because I know, you already do.